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Friday, August 29, 2008

Wouldn't have done it without the Space Ninjas.


Hello, and welcome to my blog! After many, many months of wanting to set up a proper blog for myself and not actually doing anything about it, I felt compelled to finally put my plan into action. I trudged my firm, hard-rock ass across the room and sat it on my computer chair, faced the computer screen and started reading this interesting online article blaming dwarf rabbits for the rapid increase in global warming. It was written by a guy named Andreas Rhabbitkurhler. He probably hails from the rabbit-hating side of Germany. That's the South, in case you don't already know.

Out of nowhere a couple of cute but ferocious-looking midget-like storm troopers look-alike came crashing through my window. Before I knew it, they had me tied down to the chair that I was already sitting on.

"You didn't have to do that. I wasn't going anywhere and...who's going to pay for the window?" Nobody told me it wasn't the right time to be a smart-ass.

Without any warning, they started tormenting the most sensitive part of my body with the aid of their weapons-of-choice; razor sharp satay sticks. Yes, satay-sticks. Apparently they could not afford more professional-looking weapons. But it hurt like a bitch nonetheless.

They ruthlessly attacked me despite my constant sympathetic howls to be spared the pain and suffering only to stop when I belted out "MAMMMMAAAAA...just killed a man! Put a gun against his headddd, pulled my trigger, now he's dead!" Freddie Mercury would have been so proud of me.

"Hey! That's our favourite song from our favourite band!" exclaimed one of them excitedly, simultaneously dropping his satay stick to the floor.

"Like...totally!" chirped another one. He sounded like one of the powerpuff girls. I wanted to laugh at him so bad but had to bite my lip. This one was still holding on to his satay stick.

I felt like saying "I didn't ask!" but I figured it would be better to keep my mouth shut.

"Who are you....people!?" I shrieked at them, half-trembling. By then, I'd already pissed in my super mario boxers. My urine smelt like coffee with a tinge of hazelnut. That was probably the cup of Iced Tall 5 pumps Hazelnut Lattè that I had earlier at work that day. I was quaking in fear. Drops of ice cold, salty sweat began trickling down my forehead.

"We are the Space Ninjas. We would not have harmed you had you started working on your blog and not reading about dwarf rabbits! You only have yourself to blame," said both of them in unison. Are they weird or are they weird? If you ask me, I think they're having an affair.

"You could blame Andreas Rhabbitkurhler too if you want!" they continued, rudely interrupting me when I was about to speak. They opted for the more apt "aliens from mars attacks" tone of voice this time around.

Errr...okay.

So to cut a long story short. Here I am writing my first entry for my blog.

You know what, I really need to apply something on my ass right now. I think it's beginning to swell. Urgh!

I fucking hate those space ninjas. (Please don't tell them I said that. PLEASE! I'm BEGGING YOU! My ass can't take anymore pain!)

fadz 8/29/2008 02:24:00 AM


Welcome


Hello. Thanks for dropping by! I initially planned on permanently leaving this section "under construction" because I really didn't know what to write here. Apparently, the Space Ninja with the powerpuff girl voice didn't like the idea. I told him that it wasn't his blog. He wasn't best pleased to say the least. Powerpuff Ninja, steam coming out of butthole and everything else in between, said that if I didn't write anything, he'll get evil doctor rocket science monster with capabilities to destroy the entire universe to hurt me. I have a really strong feeling it would be very, very painful. I have an even stronger feeling the doctor that Powerpuff Ninja mentioned wasn't the kind of doctor that helps sick people. Okay, I think I'm safe now that this section has been filled. I will try my best to update my blog regularly. Say....once every three months? But then again, who in the right frame of mind would want to read my entries? And, no! The Space Ninjas do not count! They are sick and twisted!

About Me



A few days back, I was flipping through a particular magazine. I can't remember which but I came across this really interesting article in it. The article was about how one can reduce the risk of bowel cancer by properly introducing oneself in his/her blog.

I think the writer was high on drugs when he wrote that article but I'm going to give him benefit of the doubt. For once, I'll write (try to) a proper introduction of myself. So here goes...
I'm a 23 year old human being. My father's a vacuum cleaner and my mother's an apple tree. I have two younger brothers. They're both in their 40s. One's a hyena and the other's a cough syrup bottle. We have a very difficult time communicating.

On New Year's Eve I fell out of my friend's bedroom window and the only thing that broke my fall was the fact that I had a little confetti in my hair. Needless to say, I walk around with confetti in my hair and I think you should too because it might save your life one day should you happen to fall out of your friend's bedroom window.

I have a female cat. Her name's Chipsmore and I think she's currently possessed by an evil spirit or demon. She's been doing a lot of horrible things lately. She'd swear at everyone in weird foreign languages. Swahili's her personal favourite.

She forces my brothers to wipe her smelly ass with wet tissues each time she farts...that amongst other evil things. I'm thinking of getting an exorcism performed on her but I've not found anyone who's able to perform it on a cat. I sent her to the SPCA the other day so that they could put her down but it turned out to be a really bad idea. The vet who tried to inject her with ratpoison ended up jabbing herself with it. She died. I have a strong feeling Chipsmore did it. So yeah, if you know anyone who does, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do let me know. But it has to be someone who's really really good at it. Otherwise he or she will end up dead. Like the SPCA vet.

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Feel free to contact me via email at getfadzy@yahoo.com
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