Saturday, August 30, 2008

Why do so many people love drinking Green Tea? I keep asking myself that same question every 5 minutes I see people drinking it whenever I happen to stand in front of a 7-eleven. One of my buddies, Asri (Pinklips), drinks green tea ALL THE TIME! I swear, he drinks two cans at one go and he could finish them under a minute. If that's not insane, I don't know what is. How he does it, is beyond me. He'd probably bring his favourite can to Las Vegas and elope with it if he could.

I had my first sip of the vile green liquid back when they first introduced the drink donkey years back. Suffice to say, it was my last (prior to today). I have never been so traumatised in my life before. I can't quite recall how it tasted like back then but I just remember it being really bad. I actually had fits immediately after swallowing it. It was as if I was being possessed by demons high on ecstacy. I had to be held down and restrained by my friends. The paramedics soon came to my aid. I was promptly conveyed to the hospital where I spent a total of 34 days. That was how long it took for me to recover from a little sip. I shudder to think what might have happened to me if I had actually swallowed the whole can of Green Tea at one go.

Earlier today, I decided to face my biggest fear, a can of Green Tea aka Green Toxic. I have trained for months and months leading up to this day. I was adamant that I was in the right state of mind and in supreme physical shape and condition to undergo this test. All those nights spent doing jumping jacks and backflip combos weren't going to waste! Oh..only if I knew of the horror that was going to unfold.

I actually spent close to an hour riding around my neighbourhood, stopping at every 7-eleven and Cheers outlets I saw. It was odd that nobody seemed to stock them. Has people finally got to their senses? I finally tracked down a can of Pokka Jasmine Green Tea at this one 7-eleven where it was kept at the coldest possible case. I swear, the thermostat was in Kelvin. I even had to let it sit on the walkway under the hot sun for a couple of hours before I could touch it without risking frostbite. Perhaps, the store assistant at the 7-eleven was just being cautious.

When I got home, I immediately went into the kitchen, can in hand, I sat down. Stared at the can, took a really deep breath, popped it open and took my first sip. Nothing in this world could have prepared me for that. The initial thought that came rushing into my mind was from a deep, dark place. Did a panda urinate in this thing!?

I didn't really know what I had just tasted but my mind immediately painted a picture of me being tied down on the floor in some creepy-looking dungeon and being forced to drink this vile, green liquid as punishment for a heinous crime I just committed.

The second sip was even worse. This was when I first noticed the awful medicine aftertaste. It was as if kung fu panda broke into a clinic, grabbed hold of all the medicines he could find, tossed everything into a blender and mixed everything together while peeing into the blender in an attempt to create a poisonous solution that he could use to kill his enemies.

It took me a third sip for me to really identify what was so awful about the drink. It has a distinct taste of cigarettes. I actually took a peek into the mouth hole to see if I could spot one floating around down there.

Then came the fourth sip, which was when the idea of finishing the can began to look masochistic. And it was. I gave up.

Now, I'm a glutton for punishment. But even I never thought I could go this far, or endure this much, as when I sat down with a can of the horror that can only be described as Pokka Jasmine Green Tea.

All I know for sure is that I must have done something truly horrible in my life (or I will do something truly horrible in the future), and this is my punishment.

fadz 8/30/2008 06:30:00 PM